Wednesday after 4

It is Wednesday, sometime after 4pm. I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop, Rabbitfoot Records (which I will talk about in another post, on another day). There is a couple next to me playing chess. I have seen them in here before and they speak to each other as if they are newly dating. I like that. It gives me no hope for myself, mind you, but I am glad 2 people have sort of found themselves and are taking the time to get to know each other...I actually don't know their story, but...
ANYway.
It is pouring out and I am inside with a cup full of unsweetened iced tea, struggling with a paper that's due tomorrow at 8am, along with a presentation and a speech.
The paper, as you may have guessed from the title of the post is not actually on the Fibonacci Sequence, but the Golden Ratio.
It is NOT easy, but I picked the topic, because I thought it would be easy, which was my first mistake. I should have picked something completely foreign to me and that might have been easier.
This post isn't anything but a pressure valve release. nothing much to it.

...And Hell is Hot

We humans waste a lot of time looking for THE perfect thing, when really "perfect", the way we imagine it, is only as perfect as we are, and we are not perfect.

I am guilty of wasting time worried about things that were beyond my control, spending time with people that put me down and who ultimately did not have my interests at heart. I let things distract me from my goals and now I am paying for it. I am finding that I have to self-correct a lot while I am in process of becoming and it is exhausting. Waiting for perfect (time, place, person) is not for the faint of heart.

Now, at the age I am, everything that I am learning are the things that I should have learned years ago, and hard as I may wish it, going back is not an option. There is no magic door back to the past. There's no rabbit hole that will take back to the moment where that pivotal decision needed to be made so that maybe I can take what was behind door number 2.
No, definitely not able to go back. So, I move forward and move forward and move forward until I am done. 

I don't think I will ever be done.

Breakfast on the Sun

This the thing: I really like breakfast. The photo on this post was potato hash with sunny side up eggs made by my new(ish) friend Andrew. It was so simple, yet I don't think I could ever imitate it.

Brunch by Andrew!

Starter Overer

Me - eM @ age 44

My father and I circled the perimeter of the campus before we saw life just inside one of the turn-offs, so we went in. There was a very young woman sitting on the curb smoking a cigarette, we asked her where we could find building A. First she sighed really hard, rolled her eyes all the way back in her head and gave us directions that involved a lot of pointing and flying ash from her lit cigarette.
When we pulled away, I rolled up the window "I hesitate taking directions from children." I said to my dad as he searched for the exit.
Dad, ever the cool one, says, without missing a beat, or taking his eyes off the road, "Em, these are your peers."
I clamped my mouth shut. He was right. I was 41 years old, car-less, jobless, penniless, rootless, aimless, almost homeless, a bunch of other "lesses", and I was starting over going to college for the first time in my life and it was terrifying.
Now I am 44. I have been enrolled as a full-time student at a 2-year college since the summer of 2011. Why so long? 1) That summer I only took one class 2) I waited a year until I became a resident in the state of Florida 3) I took this past summer of 2014 off because I needed to.
I am still terrified, even though I know I have a lot in front of me and nothing pinning me to anyplace on the map right now. Things are wide open to me. I have only to choose. The beauty of it all is that I know I can start over, because I've been there, done that and I have the t-shirt to prove it.