I'm Lying in Bed

I - am lying in bed.

I - am lying in bed.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

In through the nose and

out through the mouth.

Or was it the other way 'round?

I supposed it doesn't matter as long as I am breathing, right?

I have to do that

Remind myself that I am in bed.

Walking down the street.

Driving.

Washing dishes.

Shopping at Walmart.

I have to remind myself to be in the moment

So I don't fly off the surface of the earth.

If I force myself to feel every moment in a shitty day

Maybe I would find a few moments that weren't so shitty.

Maybe I could bear being in a life that is 

Too small and ill fitting
Maybe I would finally know it is OK to be here,

For now.

If I focus on NOW 

And Right NOW

And Right NOW

And Right NOW

Maybe I'll be able to see the future more clearly.

21 June 14 - Journo...

a good friend

came to me in a dream

eyes full of tears

despite his hope

his hurt was so great

that it spanned the widths and depths

of his heart

entered my dream

a thousand miles away

and all i could do was

give in to his pain and

wrap my arms around him

let his tears stain my dress

we are friends

that's what we do

cry each other's tears

hold each other up through the dark

even in dreams

Back

From the blackness of the universe

Shone one milky star

Dim and shivering with its new light

And here I am

In this modern world

New raw aching

For something that I just cannot name

I am free and scattered

Across the black of this universe

But free

As free as those of mine were not

I waste moments

Take chances for granted

They…

Were born with no chances

Under someone else’s hand

And choices were hopes

That stolen moments

Would bring a peace

That could never be known in life

The roots in grasping earth

Need be turned

Us go back

Them have chances we waste

Choices we take for granted

Back

Through the blackness

Exchange places

We would all know

I would know

Something I do not

How I got here,

A soul owning a soul

What they wanted

            Life unchained

Northern Transplant : Southern Exile

Sun slants over a late day sky
The warm breeze
Unsuitable
For my uncovered winter skin

I am lost and
In this man made
Landscape where my shadow 
Rails against the synthetic wilds

I make no sense here 
I will go 
Just as soon
As I am done...

black bird

a black bird
on a lonely wire
communing
with the late day sun